It Keeps Getting Better

Hello Friends,

I am very happy to report that I am down 46 pounds from when I started this journey a year and a half ago.  

I’m super embarrassed and nowhere near perfect, but in an act of vulnerability and love, I’m posting my before and after pics. 

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                          My heaviest, at 208                                                    Currently at 162

What’s the magic formula? Hard work.  It really is just about showing up consistently.  It’s not fancy.  It’s not that complicated.  It’s just difficult.

I started working out with a Trainer via Groupon.  Because I am a hustler and because I don’t work at Amazon or Google, this will be a very short stint.  However, I will take what I learn from my trainer and apply it to the gym. 

The best part of this journey hasn’t been my weight loss, it’s what has come about it.  I have newfound confidence in myself.  I feel healthier.  My back hurts less.  I believe there is untapped potential that I still have yet to see and that will only come with time, dedication, and patience.  

I want to acknowledge that this isn’t the first time I have lost weight.  Also, there are no guarantees that I won’t give up and gain all that weight back. Lord knows that I love to eat and bake.  I know for me that it took a lot of work to get here and I changed the way I did things this time so it was all on my own-which feels pretty damn good.

All I can say is that if I can do this, I truly believe anyone can. I can’t eat anything I want and never workout.  I had to work for my progress, and the work made my accomplishments meaningful to me.

Thanks for reading,

Amber

Vulnerable

Today I struggled.  I will just go ahead and say it.  I am afraid.

My job search has not played out the way I thought it would and that causes a great deal of fear and anxiety for me.  I have questioned my abilities, my ambitions, and I have questioned God’s plan and presence.

I hate feeling like this.  Today I woke up and didn’t feel like hiking, which is also not like me.  I did however push myself to go anyways, but every step I took felt like a huge hurdle. I wanted to quit many times.  Once I got to the top I turned around and started to head back down but decided to take a break and sat down on a large flat rock and tears started gushing down my face.  I couldn’t hold it in anymore.  I feel so selfish letting myself go to this terrible dark place, but I really do feel like I needed to cry and am glad I could get some of the emotional stress out in the form of sweat and tears.

Last night I wrote to my dear friend and she replied with a very sweet and helpful reply. Here is a snippet of the sage advice she gave me

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Wow.  It is clear that my family and friends know me well and care about me.  It seems like everyone has more faith in me than I have in myself- I am trying to work on that.

Tonight I am babysitting, but today I tried to just nurture and take care of myself.  I took a hot shower and a long nap and then baked a pan of brownies and a loaf of banana bread. I also talked to both of my parents, who like everyone else is convinced that I will be ok and that I will land a job.  I know that in my heart they are probably right, but I just have a lot of self doubt right now.

That’s all for now.

Peace and Love,

Amber